HUSBAND & WIFE

Husband: Do you know the meaning of W I F E?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means,With Idiot For Ever

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Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.

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Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills..


Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you

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Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.

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Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents

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Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push...!!!

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Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you..

The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice

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Wonderful Definitions

Wonderful Definitions

School
A place where Parents pay and children play

Life Insurance
A contract that keeps you poor all your life
so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..

Divorce
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

Dictionary
A place where success comes before work

Conference Room
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

Father
A banker provided by nature

Criminal
A person no different from the rest
...except that he/she got caught

Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and
your Confidence after

DOCTOR
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic
Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life..

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Learn your spellings to enter heaven

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for St. Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.

They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and I am here. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

" Czechoslovakia .."

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry... There will be Hell to pay later!

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Opportunity-A must read

Dear All,

I have come across a wonderful story on opportunity which struck me with it's simplicity and similar kind of truthfulness.

Once upon a time there was a young man who was longing to marry a beautiful daughter of the village's most intellectual farmer. He approached him with his wish and showed the readiness to accept any challenge to win his heart. The farmer smiled and asked him come to his farm next day.
Next day the Farmer put a simple condition in front of him that he would leave three bullocks open in the farm and he needs to catch the tail of any one of them. If he succeeds in that he would be eligible to ask for his daughter's hand. The young man laughed in his sleeves and started dreaming about her marriage with Farmer's daughter. The Farmer released the first Bullock which was very healthy and full of wildness. The young man had never seen such a big bullock in his life hence he decided to skip this one and wait for another one to catch the tail of. Bee lying his expectations the second one was much bigger and stout like a hunk. He decided not to play with danger and skipped the second one also. Now, as the last chance the third bullock was freed by the Farmer which brought the huge smile on the young man's face. The third bullock was apparently very weak and thin. The young man ran towards it and jumped to catch it's tail but he was shocked to see that it didn't have any TAIL.

Life is full of opportunity. No doubt some of them are difficult to take on but if we let it go due to fear or lack of self confidence we may never be able to marry a beautiful women of farmer called SUCCESS.

Source:Internet

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