Crucial Conversation Glossary

A partial list of the most common terminology found in VitalSmarts training and bestselling books:

• Manage Distance
• Master My Stories
• Move to Action
• Mutual Purpose
• Mutual Respect
• Natural Consequences
• "Or" Thinking
• Personal Motivation Statement
• Pool of Shared Meaning
• Redefine Normal
• Reward Small Wins
• Safety
• Silence vs. Violence
• Six Sources of Influence
• Skill Scan
• Start With Heart
• STATE My Path
• Style Under Stress
• Sucker’s Choice
• Turn Accomplices Into Friends
• Turn Bad Days Into Good Data
• Victim Story
• Villain Story
• Vital Behavior
• Vote Decision
• What and If
• Willpower Trap
• WWWF

• Accomplice
• Add New Friends
• "And" Thinking
• AMPP
• Build Fences
• Clever Story
• Command Decision
• Consensus Decision
• Consult Decision
• Contrasting Statement
• Control Your Space
• Crucial Conversations
• Crucial Confrontations
• Crucial Moment
• CPR
• Default Future
• Deliberate Practice
• Describe the Gap
• Do What You Can’t
• Explore Others’ Paths
• Friend
• Fundamental Attribution Error
• Helpless Story
• Invert the Economy
• Learn to Look
• Left-Hand Column
• Loss Aversion
• Love What You Hate

Accomplice—A person who influences you to start a bad habit and/or stop a good one.

Add New Friends—Find those people who either share your goal or are interested in offering you support.

"And" Thinking—“And” Thinking helps us avoid making Sucker’s Choices. Instead of feeling confined to choose one alternative OR avoid its bad consequences, ask yourself how you can achieve one AND avoid the other.

AMPP—A set of “power listening” skills that help build safety and encourage the other person to share his or her meaning. AMPP stands for Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase, and Prime.

Build Fences—Intractable rules and decisive actions that make it easier for you to stand up to avoid the most dangerous, tempting places in your environment.

Clever Story—A story we tell ourselves when we’re disappointed, threatened, or at risk. The three types of stories we often tell ourselves are Victim Stories, Villain Stories, and Helpless Stories.

Command Decision—A decision in which one person decides with no involvement from others.

Consensus Decision—A decision in which everyone must agree to support the decision.

Consult Decision—A decision in which everyone gives input, then a subset of one or more makes the decision.

Contrasting Statement—A tool to address predictable misunderstandings that could put safety at risk. This is done by first, imagining what others may erroneously conclude and then immediately explaining that this is what you don’t mean, followed by your contrasting point—what you do mean.

Control Your Space—The sixth and final source of influence that specifically addresses structural ability and surrounding yourself with a supportive physical environment.

Crucial Conversations—A discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong.

Crucial Confrontations—A face-to-face accountability discussion where someone has disappointed you, and you talk to him or her directly. When handled well, the problem is resolved and the relationship benefits.

Crucial Moment—The point in time where the right behavior, if enacted, leads to the results you want.

CPR—The three types of conversations that can be held around a particular issue: Content (discussing the issue itself), Pattern (discussing the problem that the issue keeps recurring), and Relationship (discussing the fact that the issue is affecting your overall relationship with the other person).

Default Future—The life you’ll live if you continue to behave as you currently are.

Deliberate Practice—Identifying and practicing the skills that will help you stop doing the wrong thing and start doing the right thing.

Describe the Gap—Bringing up a problem involving a disappointment by describing the gap between what you expected and what actually took place.

Do What You Can’t—The second of six sources influence that specifically addresses personal ability and learning new skills required to create and sustain change.

Explore Others’ Paths—A skill to help others stay in dialogue when you notice them moving to silence or violence. Encourage them to explore their entire Path to Action (see STATE My Path for more details on how to do this).

Friend—A person who influences you to stop a bad habit and/or start a good one.

Fundamental Attribution Error—The automatic assumption we often make that the other person’s motives are bad. This can happen when someone says or does something we think is harmful or threatening. We immediately attribute bad motive—we tell a villain story. For example, "They are evil or selfish; they do bad things because they enjoy it."

Helpless Story—A story we tell ourselves when we’re disappointed, threatened, or at risk. When we tell ourselves a helpless story, we make ourselves out to be powerless to do anything healthy or helpful. We convince ourselves that there are no healthy alternatives for dealing with our predicament.

Invert the Economy—The fifth of six sources of influence that specifically addresses structural motivation and rewarding yourself for change as well as punishing yourself for bad behavior.

Learn to Look—When a conversation turns crucial, we either miss or misinterpret the early warning signs. We want to be able to step out of the content of the conversation and learn to look for signs that a conversation has become crucial and that safety is at risk so we can get back to dialogue more quickly.

Left-Hand Column—Chris Argyris, a noted behavioral psychologist, came up with the idea that people place their thoughts and feelings in one of two places: their Right-Hand Column or their Left-Hand Column. The Right-Hand Column is what we do say in the conversation. The Left-Hand Column includes what we think or feel but don’t say—the meaning we withhold from the conversation.

Loss Aversion—A person’s tendency to place a higher premium on a loss than a gain.

Love What You Hate—The first of six sources of influence that specifically addresses personal motivation and making the right choices pleasurable.

Manage Distance—Using distance to your advantage by bringing good things close and moving temptations far away.

Master My Stories—A principle that help us control the emotions that drive our actions. We do this by challenging the stories we tell ourselves—we ask questions. One such question is "Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person act this way?" Posing the question is NOT making an assumption that all people are reasonable, rational, and decent; rather, posing the question IS an effort to consider other possibilities. This increases the probability of getting what we really want.

Move to Action—A skill to overcome the barriers to change. First, decide up front which form of decision making you’ll be using (Command, Consult, Vote, or Consensus). Then create and agree on a specific plan. Document Who does What by When and how you’ll Follow Up (WWWF).

Mutual Purpose—Creating safety by assuring others that you care about their best interests and goals. More often than not, your goals will be compatible, but the strategies you developed to meet these goals are opposing.

Mutual Respect—Creating safety by assuring others that you care about and respect them, and that your goal is to solve problems and make things better for both of you.

Natural Consequences—Consequences that occur independent of outside action, and require no authority or power.

"Or" Thinking—"Or" thinking is thinking that gets us into the rut of a “Sucker’s Choice” (see "And" Thinking). We believe we can only achieve one of two good outcomes, and there will be negative consequences either way (e.g., we can either be honest OR we can be kind).

Personal Motivation Statement—A simple but personally powerful statement successful changers review whenever temptations threaten to overpower them.

Pool of Shared Meaning—Each of us enters a conversation with our own opinions, feeling, theories, and experiences about the topic. These make up our personal pool of meaning. When two or more people enter a crucial conversation, we build a pool of shared meaning—the more we add of each person’s meaning, the more information is available to everyone involved and the better the decisions made.

Redefine Normal—Avoid making external comparisons and using the words "everybody" and "normal" to justify your unhealthy behavior. Instead, ask yourself who you want to be and how you want to live and feel.

Reward Small Wins—Instead of attaching rewards to your ultimate goal, set small action-oriented goals and reward yourself when you meet one of them.

Safety—Establishing an atmosphere where the other person in a conversation feels comfortable and free to talk about or listen to any topic, not matter how sensitive it may be.

Silence vs. Violence—The communication styles we revert to when we don’t feel safe in open dialogue. Silence is purposely withholding meaning from the shared pool; it ranges from playing verbal games to avoiding a person entirely. Violence is trying to compel others toward your point of view using tactics like controlling, labeling, and attacking.

Six Sources of Influence—The six major categories of influences that drive people to do the things they do are: Personal Motivation, Personal Ability, Social Motivation, Social Ability, Structural Motivation, and Structural Ability.

Skill Scan—Identify the skills you need to learn and the skills you already possess that will you help you implement your change plan and meet your goals.

Start with Heart—The first principle of good dialogue is that healthy dialogue starts with your own motives. Start With Heart means to start with the right motives and stay focused on what you really want throughout the conversation.

STATE My Path—A set of skills that help you share difficult feedback or risky meaning. STATE stands for Share your facts, Tell your story, Ask for others’ paths, Talk tentatively, and Encourage testing.

Style Under Stress—This is the communication style you naturally revert to when crucial conversations start getting tense. Being aware of your own Style Under Stress (whether it’s silence, violence, or dialogue) will help you guard against your worst tendencies and either catch problems early or avoid them altogether.

Sucker’s Choice—These are false dilemmas that suggest we face only two options (both of them bad), when in fact we face several choices—some of them good. We suffer from “Or” Thinking.

Turn Accomplices Into Friends—The third and fourth of six sources of influence that specifically addresses social motivation and social ability. These sources involve surrounding yourself with people who encourage positive change (friends) instead of discouraging your improvement (accomplices).

Turn Bad Days Into Good Data—The ability to learn from your mistakes and adjust your change plan as you learn about additional sources of influence that work against you.

Victim Story—A story we tell ourselves when we’re disappointed, threatened, or at risk. When we tell ourselves a victim story, we exaggerate our own innocence. We intentionally ignore the role we have played in the problem and tell our story in a way that avoids whatever we have done (or neglected to do) that might have contributed to the problem.

Villain Story—A story we tell ourselves when we’re disappointed, threatened, or at risk. When we tell ourselves a villain story, we overemphasize the other person’s guilt. We automatically assume the worst possible motives while ignoring any possible good or neutral intentions a person may have.

Vital Behavior—A high-leverage action that, if routinely enacted, will lead to the results you want.

Vote Decision—A decision in which all have a voice, but the majority rules.

What and If—The first principle of Crucial Confrontations™: problems come at us so rapidly and unannounced that we’re often caught by surprise. As a result, we move too quickly or become emotional and choose the wrong problem to address. To break this habit, we have to slow down, unbundle the problem into its components, and then choose What and If (what problem we’ll address, and if we should bring it up).

Willpower Trap—The incorrect assumption that the only reason (among many possible reasons) we fail to make good choices is our lack of willpower.

WWWF—Once you’ve diagnosed the root cause of a problem, it’s time to move to action and resolve it. Do this by creating and agreeing on a specific plan. Determine WWWF: Who does What by When and how you’ll Follow up.

Source:Internet

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Why You’re So Afraid of Change (and What You Can Do About It)

Change freaks us out—probably even more than public speaking, but it's the sort of amorphous issue that we don't think about because it manifests itself subtly in so many ways. Whether a relationship starts or ends, you're moving, you've got a new job, or you've lost someone you love, change—whether it's good or bad—causes stress. Here's how it works and how to handle it without losing your mind.

"Change" is a broad term, and it can apply to many things. Perhaps you're just moving to a new home or starting a new job, or something awful happens like a death in the family. These events may seem black and white, and not necessarily similar, but they all require adjustment in the way you conduct your day-to-day life. These adjustments cause stress, even when they're positive. Conversely, negative changes can yield positive results. You never know exactly what you're going to get, which often frightens us. Coping with change well, rather than losing your mind, only requires an adjustment on your outlook and a little evidence of surviving various circumstances. In this post, we'll take a look at why your brain resists change and how you can actually change that.

What Is Change, Exactly?

I've been through some pretty big changes in my life, but I'm no professional. To help define the issue of change, and find out the best methods of coping, I consulted relationship and family therapistRoger S. Gil:

For our purposes, let's define change as "a modification to a person's environment, situation, or physical/mental condition that results in circumstances that challenge their existing paradigms." What our definition implies is that humans have a tendency to define how their world is supposed to work. Whenever something happens in our personal world or to our own being that is inconsistent with the way we feel the world should be, we encounter change.

Change comes in many forms in our daily lives. Everyone experiences the pains of being young through puberty and later the pains of being old through inevitable medical issues. We get married, graduate from school, switch careers several times, move across the country, get in terrible accidents, lose our parents, discover hobbies we love that we never knew about, and sometimes even achieve our dreams. Even though we can attribute a default emotion (e.g. happy, sad) to many of these broad examples, Roger notes that the event isn't the only thing that affects how we handle both "good" and "bad" change:

The important thing to keep in mind is that there is a continuum between "positive" and "negative" so not all changes are easily codified as good or bad. In fact, other psychological factors (such as one's temperament, mood, and global IQ) can affect how a person codifies a change along the positive-negative continuum.

On top of that, the event itself often doesn't affect whether or not we feel stress. If anything changes, good or bad, stress will probably result:

Any time we are confronted by an event that is inconsistent with our core beliefs, we will likely feel some level of stress. In fact, a long-used psychometric for measuring stress is the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. Most of the items on this scale represent a change in a person's life that is known to lead to some amount of stress. The interesting thing is that many of the items also represent "good" things like dating, marriage, or vacations. In other words, even good change is stressful.

When trying to understand how change affects us, we mostly need to look at three things: 1) the situation itself, 2) our mood/temperament, and 3) how others may affect us. Keep these key factors in mind as we discuss how our brains deal with change and, later, what we can do to override the problems.

Why Change Is So Difficult

Our Brains Expect Certain Things to Stay the Same

In theory, change should be simple. When walking down the street, say come to a construction site and need to change your path. By scanning around the area you should be able to find a detour and follow it to get where you want to go. Inherently, this situation shouldn't cause any stress but our brains offer a number of special quirks that cause us to see things differently. Because we've taken the normal path before, we don't worry that it'll take us where we want to go. When we run into a roadblock, suddenly information we trusted has broken down. Where does the other road lead? How long will it take? Is it dangerous? What we don't know tends to scare us, and change creates a lot of things we don't know. As a result, we tend to act pretty irrationally to try and prevent change, often without realizing it, and make our lives unnecessarily problematic.

While we often fear change when pre-existing information fails us, but the amount of stress can vary greatly. Roger explains:

Both nature and nurture will influence how we form our core beliefs about how the world works and our roles in our respective worlds. When we experience the world or ourselves in a certain way for an extended period of time, we develop core beliefs that make up our paradigm for how life is supposed to be. The experiences we have as children tend to be the most long-lasting and influential because they represent prototypical experiences that future experiences will be compared to and will likely play a key role in the development of our worldview/paradigm for life. Since our brains are still developing, childhood experiences have a greater chance of influencing how future neural connections will develop. Whether good or bad, children tend to adjust better to change since they don't have as much "legacy material" to overcome when encountering change (i.e. their worldviews/life paradigms are still developing). As we age and our brains become less plastic, we encounter more difficulties processing changes because our paradigms are more ingrained.

The earlier you learned something, the harder it is to change. "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" is a saying for a reason.

We Seek Out People Like Us to Avoid Change

Because new information bothers our brains, we tend to find friends and form groups that reinforce our beliefs—whether they're correct or not. When many people agree, it's easy to discount the opinions of others in the face of undeniable logic. This occurs because of a phenomenon known asthe illusion of asymmetric insight. David McRaney, writer of the blog and book about self-delusion You Are Not So Smart, explains:

The illusion of asymmetric insight makes it seem as though you know everyone else far better than they know you, and not only that, but you know them better than they know themselves. You believe the same thing about groups of which you are a member. As a whole, your group understands outsiders better than outsiders understand your group, and you understand the group better than its members know the group to which they belong.

This lovely phenomenon gives you cause to discount conflicting information as bias and stick with what you know. Essentially, you attack the possibility of change because you think you know better than everyone else and have the friends to back you up.

We Hate to Feel Like We Wasted Our Time and Effort

Sometimes change involves a significant loss, and our brains hateloss. When we invest ourselves emotionally in anything, it becomes harder to change because we don't want to lose all the time and effort we already exerted. As a result, we have a hard time letting go of a project we know deep down will fail. We also struggle to end doomed relationships because we're terrible at accepting the whole thing was for naught. In reality, time isn't wasted but our brains like to see the entire time as a loss rather than just a part of the inevitable conclusion. If you've ever played a game of Farmville and struggled to stop, you know exactly how this feels.

A study (PDF) by psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky found that our brain's desire for loss aversion almost always altered our choices even when our other choice was identical. David McRaney explains the study:

Imagine the apocalypse is upon you. Some terrible disease was unleashed in an attempt to cure male pattern baldness. The human population has been reduced to 600 people. Everyone is likely to die without help. As one of the last survivors you meet a scientist who believes he has found a cure, but he isn't sure. He has two versions and can't bear to choose between them. His scientific estimates are exact, but he leaves the choice up to you. Cure A is guaranteed to save exactly 200 people. Cure B has a 1/3 probability of saving 600, but a 2/3 probability of saving no one. The fate of hairlines and future generations is in your hands. Which do you pick? Ok, mark your answer and let's reimagine the scenario. Same setup, everyone is going to die without a cure, but this time if you use Cure C it is certain exactly 400 people will die. Cure D has a 1/3 probability of killing no one, but a 2/3 probability killing 600. Which one?

Most people chose Cure A in the first scenario and Cure D in the second, but both situations presented were actually the same with different framing. The results showed how quickly we flock to the option that minimizes loss—the one with the least perceived change. Because we're so opposed to inciting change, logic can go right out the window.

How to Better Cope With Change

Coping with change isn't that hard. You can't change how your brain works, but you can use its quirks to your advantage. Basically, your brain likes information it knows and understands and doesn't like what it doesn't know. If your brain experiences enough change in a variety of ways, it'll allow you to operate with the understanding that change is something you can survive and even benefit from. You won't fear it so much because the information stored in your head provides evidence that fear is unnecessary. Of course, getting to this point is easier said than done.

Accept the Inevitability of Change and Its Resulting Stress

Roger suggests a few methods when learning to cope with and better-handle changing circumstances. To start, you have to accept that stress is an inevitable part of the process:

Rewriting your own "source code" is supposed to be hard. It'll get harder to rewrite over time but if you don't do it, you'll eventually be left with a bunch of useless code that can't run on current platforms. Give yourself permission to feel the change-related distress and all of the associated emotions that come along with it. It sucks but not allowing yourself to process those emotions will prevent you from moving forward. If you don't process them you'll have to isolate yourself from all things that represent the "distressing" change just to be able to function.

Think of Change Like a Software Upgrade

Roger suggests looking at our lives as an operating system with software titles. As the world changes and our operating system evolves, applications that used to work may not work anymore. As a result, they need to be updated with new code in order to function in a changed environment. The events in our lives may not seem as straightforward as a few new features in Photoshop, but the principles stay the same. Handling a change to the information we use everyday requires work. We're wired to resist it, but are better off in the long run if we don't.

Allow Yourself to Freak Out, But Always Consider the Upside

Give yourself permission to freak out on your own time and then find ways to move forward positively:

This is the most difficult thing to keep in mind and to put into practice because the psychological distress caused by some changes can make having an optimistic outlook feel like an impossible task. That's okay. Do all the crying, kicking, and screaming you need to do; then start to seek out ways to make your new situation more livable and enjoyable. Fixating on what was lost as a result of the change will prevent us from experiencing the good things that our new circumstances can bring us. In the case of the loss of a loved one, making the best of the present would mean processing our emotional pain and working on developing an outlook that allows for renewed hope in the future and the possibility of happiness.

After enough regular practice, managing change won't feel like such a fearful burden. Shifting gears is rarely easy, but it isn't supposed to be. With practice you'll get better and it won't feel like you're hit with a stress bomb every time your life takes a different turn. The only way the fear and stress will disappear is if you calm down an embrace the unknown.

A big thanks goes out to Roger S. Gil, M.A.M.F.T. for his integral contributions to this post. Be sure to check out his podcast and follow him on Twitter for more.

Photos by red-feniks (Shutterstock), bahri altay (Shutterstock), DrMadra (Shutterstock), oilyy(Shutterstock), Christos Georghiou (Shutterstock), wongstock (Shutterstock), Stuart Miles(Shutterstock), and amasterphotographer (Shutterstock).

Source:http://lifehacker.com/5982622/why-youre-so-afraid-of-change-and-what-you-can-do-about-it?utm_source=Lifehacker+Newsletter&utm_campaign=ed0053616f-UA-142218-1&utm_medium=email#viewcomments

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Bridgewater veteran offers smartphone app for fellow veterans

 New Jersey National Guardsmen during a 2009 parade honoring their return home from Iraq.

Now even veterans can say — there's an app for that.
A Bridgewater veteran is offering a new smartphone app for fellow veterans faced with the challenges of returning from duty and transitioning back into civilian life.
Lloyd Deans, a six-year veteran of the New Jersey National Guard, has designed "Deans List," a free smartphone and tablet app which, for the first time, aggregates military and veteran resources, news feeds and social media for easy access to veterans.
"I want to provide veterans and their family the best resources all in one place at the palm of their hands," Deans said.
Deans, who was deployed to Iraq in from 2008 to 2009, served as a team leader in the Escort Platoon in the High Value Detainees Internment Facility in Iraq. He was chosen over 120 peers to be part of an elite guard force for a special multi-national program, and in January 2009 was named Soldier of the Month as part of the special program block in Task Force MP North. He returned home in 2009.
Deans is currently a Mental Health Supervisor at Vets4Warriors, a 24-hours-a-day peer support, information and referral program for National Guard and Reserve service members and their families around the country. The program is sponsored by the Office of the Secretary of Defense, Army National Guard, Air National Guard, and Air Force Reserve and operated by the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey.
Deans maintains comprehensive and updated resources so Vets4Warriors can make appropriate referrals. He has also initiated multiple social media platforms to develop contacts with military personnel in need of resources and business development opportunities.

"Deans List," available for the Apple iPhone and iPad in the App Store, and for Android devices at Google Play, performs the following functions:

• Compiles the most current and relevant resources for veterans and their families, such as where to find military discounts, employment opportunities, apps, peer support, legal services, health and wellness resources, veteran services, education and family resources.
• Delivers news feeds covering veteran issues, such as medical, employment, family issues and breaking news.
• Provides video feeds covering relevant topics such as testimonials, user-generated content, military life, comedy and alternative medicine.
• Allows instant chat with other military personnel in the Deans List community. Users can ask questions, make statements, post pictures, engage on current topics, etc.

"I am currently researching the use of new technology, such as apps and near-field communications to connect with soldiers and their family members to provide resources for specific needs," Deans said.

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6 Steps to Master your Emotions

Whenever you feel you are in a painful emotion, take the following steps to break the pattern, which is limiting your progress or success.

It is like cultivating your own garden in a way. What you plant will grow and thrive in whatever conditions. Similarly we need to develop habits or regular pattern of planting good emotions to feel positive and powerful to handle things around us.
1. Recognise your feelings – are they negative , do you feel overwhelmed or attacked or overloaded -- just ask yourself - ‘What am I feeling right now?’ Am I angry or frustrated? Then take a moment to question your emotions. Start to reason and begin to reduce the intensity of your negative emotions to deal with the situation more quickly and easily. Keep in mind the 10 positive powerful emotions listed to help get to the right frame of thinking.
2. Accept and Appreciate your emotions – Don’t destroy your feelings by wrongful communications with yourself. Begin to accept that you have right to feel the way you feel at times because of circumstances. However appreciate that now you are totally aware and can control your emotions – you can change your thinking patterns and the way you approach the situations. As every child needs attention, you will find this steps helps to calm you down eventually to look at the positive angle.

3. Understand and Analyse the message – you are getting or thinking through. This is to help you break the habit of negative emotional states you get into immediately under certain conditions. Check out your feelings and challenge them if valid for those situations. This is to prevent the same happening again and again form occurring in future. It is literally conditioning you to think better than just misinterpreting things.

Four great questions to ask:
a) What must I really feel to handle it better?
b) What belief do I need to develop to feel that way?
c) Am I willing to create the right solution and handle it properly to get results?
d) What will I gain from this? Or how will it benefit me?

4. Stay Confident – this step is important as it need to be carried throughout. Things do wrong at times but it is crucial not to lose hope and faith in yourself. Develop confidence and keep it till you achieve the desired results.
5. Give Assurance to yourself – that you have ability to solve things and develop positive powerful emotions to get expected outcomes. Furthermore, keep assuring that you cannot only do it this time but also every time such condition prevails. Repeating yourself will to develop assurance and overcome negativity.

6. Become Passionate to take action – don’t be a coward – just go for it. Excitement is important to move you forward – so get passionate about winning people, situations or even circumstances that challenge you. Passion is the leverage that gets you in the driving seat to steer you to your goals of happiness.

So begin to kill the weds in your garden before they become giants to control you and your life.

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Top Tips for Strengthening the Mind

Build Confidence - Identify your abilities and weaknesses together, accept them, build on them and do the best with what you have.

Accept Compliments - Many of us have difficulty accepting kindness from others but we all need to remember the positive strokes when times gets tough.

Make Time for Family and Friends - These relationships need to be nurtured; if taken for granted they will not be there to share life's joys and sorrows.

Give and Accept Support - Friends and family relationships thrive when they are "put to the test".

Create a Meaningful Budget - Financial Problems cause stress. Over-spending on our "wants" instead of our "needs" is often the culprit.

Volunteer - Being involved in community gives a sense of purpose and satisfaction that paid work cannot.

Manage Stress - We all have stressors in our lives but learning how to deal with them when they threaten to overwhelm us will maintain our mental health.

Find Strength in Numbers - Sharing a problem with others who have had similar experiences may help you find a solution and will make you feel less isolated.

Identify and Deal with Moods - We all need to find safe and constructive ways to express our feelings of anger, sadness, joy and fear.

Learn To Be At Peace with Yourself - Get to know who you are, what makes you really happy, and learn to balance what you can and cannot change about yourself.


Always think positive towards your goals

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Some easy tips to ease out job related stress

Have you ever experienced stress at work? You are one of those numerous employees who have loads of responsibilities on your shoulders and probably long working hours also. This work related stress can eat away the charm in your personal life and deteriorate your health. So, what can you do about it? There are some simple tactics that you can follow to reduce the work related stress.

Take 5-7 minutes of break from work every 1-2 hours and practice some exercises while being on your desk. Sit in a relaxed posture, close your eyes and take deep breaths. This regulates the oxygen intake in your body and keeps it free from fatigue.

Avoid too much of tea or coffee.

Drink a lot of water.

Exercise daily.

Go for a morning walk and practice yoga. As for work, make a list of things to do, prioritize them and rather than getting panicked, see what best you can do.

Strike out the things in your list as you have finished them.

This gives you a sense of accomplishment and keeps your stress level down.

Set daily and weekly goals.

This helps you in keeping a track on which your activities are moving everyday.

Give time to your hobby.

Practicing the hobby helps you release the negativity in your system and keeps you fit.

Source:Internet

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For Successful Interview-2

SALES PROCESS

1. Build Rapport

2. Probe for needs (open vs. closed ended questions)

3. Sell to needs (FEB)

4. Overcome objections

5. Close

FEB SELL YOURSELF

During the interview it is essential that you SELL YOURSELF. Feature-Example-Benefit Selling, also known as FEB selling, is a fabulous way to do this! FEB selling teaches you to effectively sell yourself by using personal examples.

FEATURE : a fact that sets you apart from other people.
EXAMPLE : a specific, personal example that supports your fact.
BENEFIT : how your fact and example benefit the employer.

For example:
Feature - strong work ethic
Example - while attending college full-time, I worked 40 hours a week to finance my education.
Benefit - I'm used to working hard in order to achieve positive results.

By using the examples above, we come up with this statement:

I have a strong work ethic. For example, while attending college full-time I worked 40 hours a week to finance my education. What this means for XYZ Company is that I'm used to working hard in order to achieve positive results.

Below are some additional features many employers look for in their candidates. Examine your background and complete the example and benefit. Please use another proactive characteristic if there is one that describes you better and give example and benefit.

FEATURE	EXAMPLE	BENEFIT
Agressive
Goal Oriented
Motivated
Resilient
Persistent

QUESTIONS COMMONLY ASKED

Most of us make two mistakes when we are being questioned in an interview. First, we fail to listen to the question. We proceed to answer a question that was not asked or to give out a lot of superfluous information. Second, we attempt to answer questions without preparation. Not even the most skilled debater can answer questions off the cuff without damaging his or her chances of success. Bottom line… BE PREPARED!

1. Tell me about yourself.


2. What is your greatest strength?


3. What is your biggest weakness?


4. What are you looking for in a position?


5. What do you know about our company?


6. Why do you want to work for us?


7. Why do you want to work in this industry?


8. Why do you want sales?


9. What motivates you?


10. Why should we hire you? What sets you apart from others?


11. What qualities do you think a top sales representative possesses?


12. Why are you leaving your current company? Past companies?


13. Where else are you interviewing?


14. What is your biggest achievement?


15. What is your biggest failure? What did you learn from it?


16. Why did you select your college or university?


17. What motivated you to choose your major?


18. What are your goals over the next 3 years? 5 years? 10 years?


19. What do you see yourself doing in 5 years? What position do you see yourself in?


20. How much money do you want to make this year? 3 years? 5 years?


21. In your current or past positions, what features did you like the most? Least?


22. What would be your ideal job?


23. If you had your choice of companies, where would you go?


24. How do you define success?


25. What do you think it takes to be successful in our company?


26. How do you spend your spare time?


27. What books have you read recently?


28. Will you relocate? Does relocation bother you?


29. Do you have a problem with commuting to work?


30. How do you think those that know you describe you?


31. Give an example of a time you had a conflict with a co-worker and how you handled it.


32. Did you every work for a manager you didn't care for? What did you do about it?


33. Describe the relationship that should exist between a supervisor and sub-ordinates.


34. Give me a specific example of a time when you dealt with a disgruntled customer.


35. Tell me about an important goal you set for yourself in the past and how you achieved it.


36. Give me an example of a particular difficult time you had to be persuasive in order to get your ideas across.


37. Tell me about a time when you worked really hard for something over a period of time and did not get it?

SITUATIONAL QUESTIONS

RAPPORT BUILDING :

A demonstrated ability to establish and maintain positive working relationships with customers. An individual that communicates with others building trust and credibility.

Please describe a time when you had to build rapport with a customer or co-worker in a particularly difficult situation.Follow-up Questions :
Who was the customer or co-worker?
When did you do this?
Why was it particularly difficult for you?
What did you do to build rapport?
What were the results?

Can you tell me about a specific time that was important for you to build trust and credibility with another person? How did you do that?

Follow-up Questions :
Who was the person you needed to build trust and credibility with?
Why was that so important?
What did you do to attain that?
What was the outcome?

SALES APTITUDE/PERSUASIVENESS :

A demonstrated ability to persuade others to take action in a specific direction.

Please give me an example of a particularly difficult time when you had to be persuasive in order to get your ideas across.

Follow-up Questions :
What was the situation?
Why was it difficult?
What were you trying to accomplish?
What specific steps did you take to be persuasive?

Please give me an example of a time when you were having difficulty closing a customer on your product or service.

Follow-up Questions :
Who was the customer?
When was this?
Why was it difficult?
What did you do to close the sale?
Did you make the sale?

PRO-ACTIVE/SELF-RELIANT:

A demonstrated ability to take action, being responsible for ones own success and failure. Take action to influence events and achieve specific goals. Demonstrates a willingness to originate actions.

Please tell me about an important goal you set for yourself in the past and how you achieved it.

Follow-up Questions :
Why was the goal important to you?
What steps did you take to achieve it?
What obstacles did you encounter along the way?
How did you overcome them?
What was the result?

Follow-up Questions :
Did you initiate any new procedures or systems?
How did you go about getting them improved?
Are they still being used?
How did they increase your effectiveness?

RESILIENCE:

A demonstrated ability to stick with a goal or desired result when faced with rejection or opposition. Maintain a positive attitude and work through obstacles.

Tell me about a time when you worked really hard for something over a period of time and did not get it.

Follow-up Questions :
What was your goal?

What effort did you put forth to get it?
What obstacles were in the way?
What obstacles get in your way of you doing your job at work? What do you do to overcome them?

Follow-up Questions :
How do you handle the obstacles?
Have you suggested doing anything differently?
Do these obstacles still exist?

COMMUNICATION SKILLS :

A demonstrated ability to present information in a clear, concise, well organized fashion. The ability to listen for an individuals needs and desires and identify hidden objections.

Can you give me a specific example of a time when you dealt with a disgruntled customer?

Follow-up Questions :
Who was the customer?
When did it happen?
What were the circumstances?
What was the result?

Tell me about a time when you had a conflict or disagreement with someone at work. How did you handle it?

Follow-up Questions :
Who was the conflict with?
What was it in regard to?
How did you approach the person to resolve it?

PREPARING FOR A PHONE INTERVIEW!

1. REMEMBER : This is a formal step in the interviewing process. It may actually be the MOST important because this step will determine whether or not you get in front of the company!!!

2. What to have in front of you: your RESUME , paper, pen, questions you have prepared, company materials and a glass of water!

3. Be in a QUIET environment: no dogs, no kids, dishwasher running, TV etc.

4. Be in professional attire! Business is as business does….Professional attire will put you in a business frame of mind.

5. Be on a LANDLINE phone! You want clear reception without interruptions….Cell phones cannot be trusted! If you use a cordless phone – make sure your battery is FULLY charged. FYI – you can turn OFF your call waiting feature by pressing *70 on your telephone.

6. Speak slowly, clearly and annunciate!

7. Build rapport and ask lots of questions (this should be easy – you will have them in front of you)!

8. STAND UP and move around to keep your energy level up!

9. Remember you are on the PHONE – so you should take your energy and enthusiasm up a notch. Interviewer cannot see your non-verbal communication, body language, etc – so you have to accentuate your VERBAL communications!

10. Create a VIRTUAL REALITY! Imagine yourself face-to-face!

11. Always sell – DON'T tell!

12. CLOSE! CLOSE! CLOSE! Your GOAL is to get a face-to-face appointment!
• Thank them for the time. Tell them they were very informative and that you are very interested in the position!
• You want the job AND:
When can you come in for a face-to-face appointment?
Will you be recommended for the next step?

RIDE ALONG/OBSERVATION INFORMATION

1. Remember that this is still a formal step in the interview process and perhaps the most important. You will be observed throughout the day.

2. Be professional in dress, speaking, body language and demeanor. Be attentive and eager, remembering to build rapport and ask a lot of questions.

3. At the beginning of the day, say “I would like to try a sale on my own, but I need to watch you a couple of times first.” (Note: It is very important to phrase it this way.)

4. Get involved! If the trainer or rep is moving equipment or doing a demonstration, roll up your sleeves and HELP!

5. Remember, the rep will go back with a recommendation on whether you will fit in with the company and do well in the industry.

6. Understand a negative interview! Many companies will have the rep sell negative on the position. For example:
• cold call 100% of the day
• tell you that you will work long hours, when normal hours actually apply
• take you to all the difficult accounts

7. CLOSE!!! Thank them for their time. Leave the rep with this information:
• You learned a lot and they were very informative
• You would enjoy working with him / her in the future
• You want the job and will they be recommending you for the position

** ALWAYS SELL ~ DON'T TELL **

BRAG BOOK REQUIREMENTS

Use a 3-ring presentation binder with inserts, transparencies, and 5 sections. Have a master copy for yourself and a copy for each interview .

SECTION 1

Copy of your resume with specific objective tailored to the interview.

SECTION 2

Brochures of your current position- what you do and what you sell. Use this section during the interview to do a mock sales call. Show them how and why you are successful

SECTION 3

Awards and achievements!!! Include what the quota was, how you achieved it, and what rankings you had within the company. If there were no rankings, show a growth pattern- how much the territory has grown because of your sales, how quickly you were promoted, etc. Include computer graphics to support your statements. Also include any trophies, awards, training certificates, rings, pins or letters from customers/employers that you were rewarded from your previous employers.

SECTION 4

Any research on the industry or the company you are interviewing with. Include any articles from business magazines and highlight the information that is interesting to you. Also include a marketing plan of how you plan to increase their customer base and their profits. Show the company why you want to work for them.

SECTION 5

Copy of DMV record, college diploma and college transcripts. Also include 3-5 references of past managers and customers (name, title, address, 2 phone numbers).

CLOSING THE INTERVIEW

It's the winning score, the bottom line, the name of the game, the cutting edge, and the point of it all. If you haven't guessed, closing is the most important part of your entire interview. The following is a step-by-step guideline to get you through closing the interview. The interview is a sales call; you are the product. If you don't close the interviewer on you, how can you expect them to visualize you closing a prospect on their product or service?
Employers expect you to close. Don't be surprised if they make it tough on you!

After the interviewer has concluded his/her questions, you must proceed into your close.
• Ask the employer questions.
• Ask a lead-in question.
• Overcome concerns/objections/hesitations.
• Close for the next step/job.

ASK THE EMPLOYER QUESTIONS
Choose 3-5 questions for your interview. These questions are guidelines. Use your own creativity. It is important to be yourself in an interview. Employers will quickly see through a memorized and over-rehearsed question. **Never ask a company about sick leave, paid vacations, holidays or other benefits that allow you to get away from work unless you are getting an offer.
• What has your career path been?
• What have you liked most about the company and what have you liked least about it?
• What expectations do you have for the company in the next 5 years? 10 years?
• Could you please describe a typical day?
• What does the training program consist of?
• What are my opportunities for advancement?
• How are promotions evaluated?
• How is performance evaluated?
• What ate your expectations of a new hire?
• What separates your top producer from everyone else?
• What is your competitive edge?
• What is your company doing to gain market share?
• What are your company's strengths and weaknesses?
• What is the territory currently producing?
• What goals do you have for the territory in the next 12 months? What do you think it will take to get the territory to those numbers?
• If you had to isolate 3 things that determines a persons success with your company what would those be?

ASK A LEAD-IN QUESTION
The purpose of a lead-in question is to identify if you did your job of selling yourself in the interview. If asked properly these questions will pull out objections/hesitations the employer has about you filling the position. Choose one of the following questions or create your own based on the examples given.
• How do you see me fitting in?
• How do I compare to other people you have hired?
• Describe to me your top sales person…Do you feel I have those same qualifications?
• Describe your ideal candidate…Do you see me as that type of person?
• Am I the kind of person you are looking for?
• Are there any concerns you have about me filling the position?
• Can I count on your recommendation for the next step?

OVERCOME CONCERNS/OBJECTIONS/HESITATIONS
If after you have asked your lead-in question the employer has not set up the next step or you are not filling out the new hire paperwork, there is still work to be done. The employer may still have genuine concerns or may create concerns to see how you handle the situation. Use FAB selling to overcome the objections. Until you feel you have overcome all of the hesitations that the employer has…only then should you proceed to the next step.

CLOSE FOR THE NEXT STEP/JOB
Now you are on the home stretch. Consider yourself on 3 rd base with bases loaded and up to bat at the same time. The good news is, you are almost done! The bad news is, this is the most important part. It is absolutely crucial you ask the following questions:

For initial interviews: Where do we go from here? Can we set that up right now?
For final interviews: Where do we go from here? When can I start?

Don't forget, as you have practiced your close, the employer has spent many an hour thinking of ways to strike you out. Some “strike out” statements are:
• I still have more people to interview.
• I will be getting back with ???.
• I will be letting you know in a couple of days.

Beware of those smokescreens. DO NOT be fooled into thinking you will get the next step. If you don't set up the day, date and time of your next interview, it probably will never happen.
As a rule of thumb, attempt to get the next step 3 times. You may have to refer back to overcoming objections/concerns/hesitations to achieve this goal.
*As with everything, there may be an exception to the rule. For some unknown reason the interviewer may not have the power to set up the next step. At least find out if the interviewer will be recommending you for the next step.

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